If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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