Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
