this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
