Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
