So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
