I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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