I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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