turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
