Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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