You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
