she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
