I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
