Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
