Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
