he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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