I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
