At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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