So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
