The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
