I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
