Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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