i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
