Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
