I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
