Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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