This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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