Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
