you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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