Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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