I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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