One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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