hotel room ftw
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
