I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
