i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
