just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
