All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
