One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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