Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we should paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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