Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
