Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
