Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
