You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
