barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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