I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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