Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
