Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize