can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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