You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
