i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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