I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
