We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
