By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
