I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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