I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
