Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
