I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
