She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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