The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I want is dick and wine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
