I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
