You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
