He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
