don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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