so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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