don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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