i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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